he loved his presents. We got him a scooter, some Indiana Jones Lego, a Neoshifter and a new book in a series he's reading. A pretty good haul if I do say so myself. His actual birthday was a school day so after school I made him a simple cake so we could sing Happy Birthday. He chose to have lasagne for dinner and chocolate pudding for dessert. So he went to bed with a very contented tummy.
On Saturday night we had his party. It went off without a hitch and he and his friends had a great time. Everyone thought his party cake was awesome and I think it turned out pretty good myself since it was my first attempt at using marzipan icing ( I couldn't buy any sugar paste in this town). I don't think any of the kids got much sleep that night but isn't that the point??
As for today. I really do have mixed feelings about the whole thing and I think every mother must. It's so exciting to watch Harrison change from a baby into a little boy and while it was really hard work, that first year is something we can never get back. And he'll never be that beautiful tiny baby I could hold in my arms all day long again. I really wish I could have enjoyed his first month more. I wish I had have said yes to the transfusion so I wasn't so incredibly tired all the time. I wish I would have put his needs over those of everyone else in the family and breast fed him longer. These are things I know I can never change and it's even sadder knowing that I won't get the chance to do them again.
I couldn't sleep last night which seems apt considering that on that night one year ago I didn't get a wink of sleep either. I kept looking at the clock and thinking 'this time one year ago........'. It was the scariest most amazing experience of my life and i'd do it all again in a heartbeat so I thought i'd post Harrison's birth story just as I wrote it when we first arrived home.
At my 39wk appt we decided that if I hadn’t delivered by my due date we would talk about induction at my next appt. So in I went the following Wednesday (8/8/07 my due date) still in one piece.
The dr. did and internal and found that my cervix was still “unfavourable”. It was soft but not effaced or dilated at all so he wasn’t willing to induce for at least another few days. We decided that I would go to hospital for cervidil on Monday afternoon and if that didn’t kick start labour on its own, they would induce me Tuesday morning.
We arrived at the hospital at 3.30 Monday afternoon and after monitoring me for a while, I was given the first dose of Cervidil at around 4.30pm. The midwife sent me down to the ward and said to do lots of walking around and come back to L&D at 10pm for the next dose. So Dan and I went and got ourselves settled in the maternity ward and waited. We went and got some greasy burgers for dinner from a takeaway store across the road and went for a giant walk.
We got back to the hospital at about 8pm so I went for a shower and waited until it was time to go back down to L&D. I started getting a few mild cramps at around 9pm. I was monitored for another 1/2hr or so before being examined again. The midwife claimed she couldn’t find my cervix and that it must be still very high and administered the next dose of cervidil. By this stage the contractions had increased in strength a bit so she decided to examine me while I was having a contraction to try and feel my cervix better. It turns out she was looking in the wrong place. She was surprised to find that it was quite far forward and fully effaced but still not dilated at all. We sent Dan home and I went back to the ward to wait again.
By about 11pm my contractions were 3-4 minutes apart and while the cramping pain of the contraction was fairly mild I had really bad back pain. The nurses on the ward had said to let them know if I was having any pains and I didn’t want to bother them with something trivial so I waited until I couldn’t stand it any more before letting them know I couldn’t sleep. They sent me back to L&D to be monitored. The monitor showed that while my contractions were close together they were only lasting around 30secs and were quite mild in strength. I tried to explain that it was the back pain that was getting to me. After a quick feel of my belly, the midwife realized that he was the wrong way around and that was why I was in so much pain. Having their spine against yours can cause really bad back labour. I was glad there was a reason for it because before that I felt like such a sook. I normally have a really strong pain threshold.
They offered a shot of pethadine to help me sleep. I accepted but it didn’t seem to do a thing. I suffered through it until about 4am. I’m sure the midwife thought I was exaggerating the pain but by that stage I just wanted to call Dan to come back in. Still it wasn’t the contraction cramps that were the problem. Only my back. I was allowed to go to L&D where I called Dan to come back in. It was about 4.40 by this stage. The midwife did and internal and found that I was only a fingertip dilated. She offered the gas to breathe through the contractions but as the gas takes about 25secs to work and my contractions were only lasting 30secs it did nothing to take the edge off. The midwife kept telling me that it was only early yet and they were only mild. So I said “If this is mild, I’ve just made up my mind about drugs”, meaning an epidural. Dan arrived at about 5am and I went and had a shower to let the hot water run on my back. By this stage the contractions felt like they were right on top of each other. By about 5.40 I was standing in the shower and had the overwhelming urge to push with each contraction. I called the midwife to let her no and she said “Oh no love, it won’t be time yet. Nothing much would have happened since the last time we checked. She left the room and about 5mins later I started bleeding so I called her back. She said that the bleeding was a good sign and agreed to check. She was very surprised to find that I was already 5cm dilated. I was elated because earlier the midwife had told me that I cold have an epidural once I was 4cm. She just laughed because she new there wouldn’t be time. She couldn’t believe things were happening so quickly. The urge to push was overwhelming and she encouraged me to breathe with the gas to try and concentrate through it. It was doing nothing to ease the pain but it was a good distraction. Apparently the baby being posterior often gives you the urge to push long before it time .It was almost impossible though. Dan rang mum to tell her to come in but not to hurry because we were only about ½ way there. After doing my best to breathe and not push for about ½ hr, the midwife finally agreed to check my again. She was amazed to find that I was already fully dilated and ready to push. It was such a relief.
The pushing stage was such a relief. I was so happy to finally be able to do what my body was telling it to do. Once the baby moved further down, it must have taken a lot of the pressure off my back to because the back pain eased and the 10-15mins of pushing it took to get him out was by far the easiest part of the whole deal. He was born at 6.45am Dan called Mum again to let her know to come and meet her new Grandson. She couldn’t believe she missed it. She was still at home making some lunch to bring to the hospital for her and Dan to get them through what was supposed to be a long day.
He was born face up with the cord around his neck so while only his head was out the midwife cut the cord from around his neck before I pushed the rest of his body out. They briefly put him on my chest then whisked him away to give him some oxygen. Dan was watching closely and was relieved to see that as soon as he sniffed the oxygen his limbs sprung to life and he had a little cry. Dan just held my hand and cried. I really thought that I would break down but I was just so amazed and relieved and overwhelmed by everything the tears didn’t come. Dan cut what was left of the cord and they wrapped him and gave him to me for a cuddle. He was all blue and his face was bruised from being born so quickly but I swear I’d never seen anything so beautiful. I know it’s corny but there’s a reason cliché’s are cliché’s.
I had my phone with me and started calling people even before I had delivered the placenta. After the placenta was delivered the midwife was massaging my uterus when I started hemorrhaging. Every time she pushed on my belly I felt blood gush out. One gush landed across the other side of the room. The midwife started to look concerned and the Dr.s were called in to rush me to theatre to stop the bleeding. I kept asking if I would be alright and the midwives and nurses were telling me yes but it was hard to believe when everyone seemed to be in such a mad panic around me. Mum arrived sometime while all this was happening and was so busy oohing and ahing over her new Grandson, I don’t think she quite realized what was happening to her own daughter. Meanwhile seeing all the blood, Dan hit major panic stations. I was sure I felt ok and was more concerned with having to be given general anesthetic because I’ve never had it before and have always been paranoid about being able to still feel something. I remember asking them if they were going to cut me open and when they said hopefully not I asked them if I could just stay awake. Of course they wouldn’t let me LOL. They brought me in the consent form to sign and explained to my why I had to sign it. I remember thinking I couldn’t sign it because I am left handed and they were trying to put a drip in my left hand. They put the form on my belly and I told the Dr. I couldn’t sign it. She of course told me I had to, but I didn’t mean I wouldn’t. I remember thinking I couldn’t sign it like that. I needed something to lean on or it would be too messy. Isn’t it stupid the things you think of?? LOL
The worst part of the whole ordeal was, just before we about to head to theatre, a midwife, promptly shove her whole arm inside me held onto my uterus. It was only time I swore the whole time. I said shit and sugar a lot while I was in labour (I have no idea what made me feel the need to be so polite) but when that woman did that to me I let out a roaring great “ F***!!!” She just said “I’m sorry love but I have to hold it to stop the bleeding.”
I was wheeled up to theatre like that. Dan came with me while mum stayed with Harrison. They had to stitch a couple of tears in my cervix (most likely caused by all the pushing before it was time) and also stitch quite a few tears inside the vaginal wall. . Most of the bleeding however came from my uterus as a result of the placenta coming away too quickly. I lost over two litres of blood in the end.
Considering they don’t consider you in ‘active labour’ until you are 4cm dilated, in their books I had a labour of 45 mins. I like to count it from 11pm because even though everyone else considers those contraction meaningless, that’s when all the pain started for me and from that point, even though the contractions got closer together, the level of pain remained fairly consistent from 11pm til I was allowed to push. I really think if it wasn’t for the back pain it all would have been fairly easy to deal with.
I arrived back on the ward at about 10.30am. There were a few visitors waiting for me. I was still pretty out of it though. I just wanted to see my baby. I don’t remember much about what happened over the next few hrs.
It’s been 8 days since he was born today and so much has happened. I ended up conning my way out of hospital after only two days. I knew I wasn’t ready to go but I put on a very bright façade they discharged me on Thursday morning. Straight away we booked our flights for Friday. I just couldn’t wait to get home. Friday was a very long day. The travel really took it out of me. Even now, I get dizzy if I do too much and get tired really easily. The Dr’s said it will take up to six wks to make up all the lost blood but I’m feeling so much better already I’m sure it won’t take that long. All the stitches on the inside are still giving me some grief but it’s nothing I can’t deal with. And even though it all sound very dramatic, I’d do it all again in a heartbeat. Everything is worth it to have my beautiful boy.
The dr. did and internal and found that my cervix was still “unfavourable”. It was soft but not effaced or dilated at all so he wasn’t willing to induce for at least another few days. We decided that I would go to hospital for cervidil on Monday afternoon and if that didn’t kick start labour on its own, they would induce me Tuesday morning.
We arrived at the hospital at 3.30 Monday afternoon and after monitoring me for a while, I was given the first dose of Cervidil at around 4.30pm. The midwife sent me down to the ward and said to do lots of walking around and come back to L&D at 10pm for the next dose. So Dan and I went and got ourselves settled in the maternity ward and waited. We went and got some greasy burgers for dinner from a takeaway store across the road and went for a giant walk.
We got back to the hospital at about 8pm so I went for a shower and waited until it was time to go back down to L&D. I started getting a few mild cramps at around 9pm. I was monitored for another 1/2hr or so before being examined again. The midwife claimed she couldn’t find my cervix and that it must be still very high and administered the next dose of cervidil. By this stage the contractions had increased in strength a bit so she decided to examine me while I was having a contraction to try and feel my cervix better. It turns out she was looking in the wrong place. She was surprised to find that it was quite far forward and fully effaced but still not dilated at all. We sent Dan home and I went back to the ward to wait again.
By about 11pm my contractions were 3-4 minutes apart and while the cramping pain of the contraction was fairly mild I had really bad back pain. The nurses on the ward had said to let them know if I was having any pains and I didn’t want to bother them with something trivial so I waited until I couldn’t stand it any more before letting them know I couldn’t sleep. They sent me back to L&D to be monitored. The monitor showed that while my contractions were close together they were only lasting around 30secs and were quite mild in strength. I tried to explain that it was the back pain that was getting to me. After a quick feel of my belly, the midwife realized that he was the wrong way around and that was why I was in so much pain. Having their spine against yours can cause really bad back labour. I was glad there was a reason for it because before that I felt like such a sook. I normally have a really strong pain threshold.
They offered a shot of pethadine to help me sleep. I accepted but it didn’t seem to do a thing. I suffered through it until about 4am. I’m sure the midwife thought I was exaggerating the pain but by that stage I just wanted to call Dan to come back in. Still it wasn’t the contraction cramps that were the problem. Only my back. I was allowed to go to L&D where I called Dan to come back in. It was about 4.40 by this stage. The midwife did and internal and found that I was only a fingertip dilated. She offered the gas to breathe through the contractions but as the gas takes about 25secs to work and my contractions were only lasting 30secs it did nothing to take the edge off. The midwife kept telling me that it was only early yet and they were only mild. So I said “If this is mild, I’ve just made up my mind about drugs”, meaning an epidural. Dan arrived at about 5am and I went and had a shower to let the hot water run on my back. By this stage the contractions felt like they were right on top of each other. By about 5.40 I was standing in the shower and had the overwhelming urge to push with each contraction. I called the midwife to let her no and she said “Oh no love, it won’t be time yet. Nothing much would have happened since the last time we checked. She left the room and about 5mins later I started bleeding so I called her back. She said that the bleeding was a good sign and agreed to check. She was very surprised to find that I was already 5cm dilated. I was elated because earlier the midwife had told me that I cold have an epidural once I was 4cm. She just laughed because she new there wouldn’t be time. She couldn’t believe things were happening so quickly. The urge to push was overwhelming and she encouraged me to breathe with the gas to try and concentrate through it. It was doing nothing to ease the pain but it was a good distraction. Apparently the baby being posterior often gives you the urge to push long before it time .It was almost impossible though. Dan rang mum to tell her to come in but not to hurry because we were only about ½ way there. After doing my best to breathe and not push for about ½ hr, the midwife finally agreed to check my again. She was amazed to find that I was already fully dilated and ready to push. It was such a relief.
The pushing stage was such a relief. I was so happy to finally be able to do what my body was telling it to do. Once the baby moved further down, it must have taken a lot of the pressure off my back to because the back pain eased and the 10-15mins of pushing it took to get him out was by far the easiest part of the whole deal. He was born at 6.45am Dan called Mum again to let her know to come and meet her new Grandson. She couldn’t believe she missed it. She was still at home making some lunch to bring to the hospital for her and Dan to get them through what was supposed to be a long day.
He was born face up with the cord around his neck so while only his head was out the midwife cut the cord from around his neck before I pushed the rest of his body out. They briefly put him on my chest then whisked him away to give him some oxygen. Dan was watching closely and was relieved to see that as soon as he sniffed the oxygen his limbs sprung to life and he had a little cry. Dan just held my hand and cried. I really thought that I would break down but I was just so amazed and relieved and overwhelmed by everything the tears didn’t come. Dan cut what was left of the cord and they wrapped him and gave him to me for a cuddle. He was all blue and his face was bruised from being born so quickly but I swear I’d never seen anything so beautiful. I know it’s corny but there’s a reason cliché’s are cliché’s.
I had my phone with me and started calling people even before I had delivered the placenta. After the placenta was delivered the midwife was massaging my uterus when I started hemorrhaging. Every time she pushed on my belly I felt blood gush out. One gush landed across the other side of the room. The midwife started to look concerned and the Dr.s were called in to rush me to theatre to stop the bleeding. I kept asking if I would be alright and the midwives and nurses were telling me yes but it was hard to believe when everyone seemed to be in such a mad panic around me. Mum arrived sometime while all this was happening and was so busy oohing and ahing over her new Grandson, I don’t think she quite realized what was happening to her own daughter. Meanwhile seeing all the blood, Dan hit major panic stations. I was sure I felt ok and was more concerned with having to be given general anesthetic because I’ve never had it before and have always been paranoid about being able to still feel something. I remember asking them if they were going to cut me open and when they said hopefully not I asked them if I could just stay awake. Of course they wouldn’t let me LOL. They brought me in the consent form to sign and explained to my why I had to sign it. I remember thinking I couldn’t sign it because I am left handed and they were trying to put a drip in my left hand. They put the form on my belly and I told the Dr. I couldn’t sign it. She of course told me I had to, but I didn’t mean I wouldn’t. I remember thinking I couldn’t sign it like that. I needed something to lean on or it would be too messy. Isn’t it stupid the things you think of?? LOL
The worst part of the whole ordeal was, just before we about to head to theatre, a midwife, promptly shove her whole arm inside me held onto my uterus. It was only time I swore the whole time. I said shit and sugar a lot while I was in labour (I have no idea what made me feel the need to be so polite) but when that woman did that to me I let out a roaring great “ F***!!!” She just said “I’m sorry love but I have to hold it to stop the bleeding.”
I was wheeled up to theatre like that. Dan came with me while mum stayed with Harrison. They had to stitch a couple of tears in my cervix (most likely caused by all the pushing before it was time) and also stitch quite a few tears inside the vaginal wall. . Most of the bleeding however came from my uterus as a result of the placenta coming away too quickly. I lost over two litres of blood in the end.
Considering they don’t consider you in ‘active labour’ until you are 4cm dilated, in their books I had a labour of 45 mins. I like to count it from 11pm because even though everyone else considers those contraction meaningless, that’s when all the pain started for me and from that point, even though the contractions got closer together, the level of pain remained fairly consistent from 11pm til I was allowed to push. I really think if it wasn’t for the back pain it all would have been fairly easy to deal with.
I arrived back on the ward at about 10.30am. There were a few visitors waiting for me. I was still pretty out of it though. I just wanted to see my baby. I don’t remember much about what happened over the next few hrs.
It’s been 8 days since he was born today and so much has happened. I ended up conning my way out of hospital after only two days. I knew I wasn’t ready to go but I put on a very bright façade they discharged me on Thursday morning. Straight away we booked our flights for Friday. I just couldn’t wait to get home. Friday was a very long day. The travel really took it out of me. Even now, I get dizzy if I do too much and get tired really easily. The Dr’s said it will take up to six wks to make up all the lost blood but I’m feeling so much better already I’m sure it won’t take that long. All the stitches on the inside are still giving me some grief but it’s nothing I can’t deal with. And even though it all sound very dramatic, I’d do it all again in a heartbeat. Everything is worth it to have my beautiful boy.
I'm so glad I wrote it down. It's amazing how you think you'll remember every detail but time fades your memory and the little things float from your mind.
I baked Harrison a cake to take to playgroup yesterday so we had a little party there.
And just for comparison a few newborn photos.
I haven't given him his presents from us yet today. He was still asleep when Dan left for work this morning so I decided to wait until tonight to he could be here too. I did give him his present from Opa , Nana, Auntie Kellie and Uncle Cor which was some Cars gumboots and PJ's and Gran also sent him some more books since I have him her other present early. Those pics are still on the camera. We're having his party on Saturday so I'll be back to update after that with lots and lots of photos no doubt. another busy weekend coming up :)
