You see I never planned on having more than one. Dan and I both agreed and until now I have been more than satisfied with just having Harrison and deep down I probably still am, it's just that the baby fever is trying to catch me and she's right at my heels. I just need to make myself see sense.
While we were away on holidays, we went to visit some old friends of Dan's and as usual they asked if we were planning on having any more. So I gave them the usual response which is ' No, we're not planning on it, four is enough,' etc etc.... so then Karen proceeds to drag out the old needle and cotton to 'predict' if I would be having any more telling me with great certainty that it's always been correct for her and everyone she knows. Now I know it's only an old wives tale and I've never paid much attention to them before (except for fun) but of course it said there is still a little girl to come for me and it freaked me clean out. Don't ask me why but ever since then I haven't been able to stop thinking about it.
I keep thinking about all the what if's. I have the implanon implant so falling pregant is fairly unlikely but never say never right? I could go and get my tubes tied but i'm just not ready to do anything that drastic. Dan had had a vastecomy when we met and he got that reversed so we could have Harrison so he's not too keen to go under the knife again and i'm happy just using birth control because even though I don't forsee Dan and I ever breaking up, you just never know and I can't say with absolute certaintly that if that did happen I wouldn't want to have more kids with someone else. We have talked about it and we both agree that if the birth control failed and I fell pregnant that both of us would want to continue with the pregnancy and have the baby. I just couldn't have a termination and i'm glad he feels the same way. I respect anyone else's right to choose what's best for themselves and their body but I just couldn't do it.
So anyway, to try and talk some sense to myself i've decided to make a list of pro's and con's about having another baby......lets start with the cons:
- we have four children and really that is enough. Especially when Dan works such long hours and I feel like a single parent alot of the time.
- I'm scared shitless i'd bleed to death during a natural birth after what happened last time ( i lost over 2 litres of blood and had to be rushed to theatre and stitched up on the inside, not fun)
- babies are really hard work, especially when you've got other kids to looks after
- I'm scared of getting another really demanding baby. I'm really only enjoying Harrison now as he gets older. Before that I loved him of course but it was all work no fun.
- Having a baby sucks about two years of your life right out from under you! There's 9months of pregnancy (during which I had morning sickness the whole time), then the whole time they're a baby and your breastfeeding you have no life! And I know that sounds really selfish, but it's the way I feel.
- We don't have the room. We have a four bedroom house, Dan and I in one, Vivienne in another, Ethan and Jesse in one and Harrison in the last one. Where would a new baby go after the first few months in with us? I can't imagine putting a boy and girl together if it was a girl. I know plenty of people do though.
Pro's
- It would be nice for Harrison to have a sibling close to his age. At the moment he's almost going to be like an only child growing up because by the time he's ready for school his older siblings will be almost finished.
- Lets' face it, there's nothing so amazing as the feeling of creating a perfect little person.
- My stupid body keeps telling me I might want another one sometime soon.
And that's all I can think of right now. See, it seems so clear. so why do I have this nagging feeling???
Baby news of another kind.......My sister and her husband are trying to fall pregnant. It's really hard for Michelle because she always said growing up that she didn't want kids and now that she's older and changed her mind she's having trouble concieving. She came over yesterday all emotional because her boobs have been really sore so she took a test and it was a BFN (big fat negative). She was so upset and convinced her body doesn't 'work properly'. I hated seeing her that way and I know just how she feels because I went through the same thing when we were TTC Harrison. I really hope it happens for them soon.
Baby News Of Yet Another Kind........As of next week i'm going to be looking after a friends baby while she goes back to work so I will officially be a WAHM (work at home mum). Danielle is a teacher and is just doing to do supply teaching so it won't be full time but it will be a little something extra to occupy my day. Alyssa is almost 11months old and I think it will do Harrison the world of good to have another baby around to play with more regularly. Hopefully it will teach him to be kind and share. At the moment he just takes what he wants from everyone and I really want him to start teaching him at an early age.
I was fairly daunted by the prospect of having the two little ones at the same time and almost regretted offering as soon as the words were out of my mouth, but now i'm quite excited about it. We've all been spending a fair bit of time together over the last week so Alyssa gets used to us being around and it's so nice to watch them play together. I was so excited yesterday at playgroup. Harrison and Alyssa were actually playing together!! And I don't mean just playing beside each other, they were actually interacting with each other. They were chasing each other around and laughing and playing peek-a-boo through the windows of the cubby house. It was the first time i've ever seen him truely interacting with another child his own age and it made my heart sing. It was so gorgeous.
And finally, the last baby news for me (maybe LOL).........In just three weeks Harrison will officially enter the world of toddlerhood. I've handed out the birthday party invites and am somewhat organised. It won't be a huge party because the only family we have in this town is my sister and brother-in-law, so I am inviting a few kids from our mums and bubs group and playgroup. I'm going with the Very Hungry Caterpillar theme. I had my heart set on smurfs but Smurf stuff is so hard to find and I left it too late to order everything I need from the States.
I love the Very Hungry Caterpillar theme too but felt really bad at first for 'stealing' the idea from another lady at TWW (thanks Amber!!)She said she didn't mind but I still felt bad. Then I was researching some ideas on the net for cakes and such and realised it's quite a popular party theme so now I don't feel so bad. Just not very original either. I'll post a pic of the invite if I can ever get it to upload to photobucket.
Harrison turning one really is bittersweet. It's so hard to believe that first year is almost up, and while i'm so excited to see him growing and learning new things every day it's so sad to think he'll never be a baby again. Something i'm sure all mothers go through and i'm certain that this whole baby fever thing stems from the iminant first birthday.
I seem to have come full circle so until next time.......... :)
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